*Potential Spoilers if you still plan on seeing The Mummy*

I love Tom Cruise and will see anything he stars in. Yes, I know he’s batshit crazy, but you have to give him the credit he deserves. Hanging off the side of airplanes and buildings, doing most—if not all—of his stunts, and still maintaining his physique and action-star prowess at 54 should be enough to quiet all the neigh-sayers.

But then you have The Mummy and you can’t really fight it. It’s crap, and not even Tom Cruise (who isn’t quite at his Cruis-eist here) can dig it out from its massive tomb.

Full of nonsense and completely lacking humor, romance, or even daring stunts (aside from the airplane scene), there really isn’t anything to praise unless you count Nick (Cruise) and Vail’s (Jake Johnson) banter—which ends far too quickly after Vail dies within the first twenty minutes and hardly has a word until the end after he’s turned into a walking corpse.

It’s really a shame that this is Universal’s first entry into their new “Dark Universe” series because almost a hundred years ago, Universal was THE god of horror movies. Dracula, Frankenstein, and yes, the original Mummy are all classics of cinema, and now they are trying to recapture that same glory nearly a century later. Some things, like the characters in the film should probably be kept in the past.

Did I forget to mention that Russell Crowe is in this? He plays Dr. Jekyll (and Hyde) who is basically a watered-down version of The Hulk. He’s as hammy as always, making one wonder how he got roped along into this entire franchise.

Since this serves as sort of an “origin” story, there really isn’t much background to, well, any of the characters. Whatever we’re supposed to glean off of them only comes from their actions in this movie, which makes characters like Nick and Annabelle Wallis’ Jenny feel woefully underwritten.

If you were still on the fence about The Mummy (I don’t know how you could be) then you might need to sit this one out…unless you’re like me and absolutely adore Tom Cruise.

But we all know there are only a handful of us in the world and that’s totally fine by me.

Advertisements